V: May the Force be with all y’all.
R: And also with y’all.
V: Let us offer up our what the fucks, how the hells, and are you actually kidding mes to the Lord. Lord, hear our prayer.
R: And let our cry come to you.
V: Lord, we pray that you would calm our shit down in the midst of great uncertainty and upheaval. Make manifest your great love and set it as a seal up on our hearts and across the economy size box of Oreos that we are saving for Election Day. Lord, in your great mercy:
R: Calm our shit.
V: Lord, we pray for all your precious children in all places, and especially for the healing of the biggest, most inflamed buttholes among us. Teach us how to better care for them, that we can see beyond their awful, puckered tightness and act with grace and soap and water rather than scratchy, cheap airplane one-ply. These buttholes are starting to ruin all our pants. Lord, in your mercy:
R: Heal up these stinky cracks between us.
V: Lord, you have given us salty and sweet, milk and dark, hot and spicy, and all manner of flavor profiles. Please remove the taste of adrenaline from all of the everything, so that we might at least enjoy all this shit we are eating to try and cope. Praise ye, the Lord:
R: And pass me the Cholula or Sriracha. Whatever is fine
V: Lord, have mercy.
R: Christ, have mercy.
V: Lord, have mercy. Please put your Mother on the phone.
V: Hail, Girl
R: Hail, Mary.
All: Hail Mary, full of grace. Save us from the Orange Face.
V: May the Force be with you.
R: And also with you.
All: Amen or whatever.
V: And may the God of peace who continues to make a way out of no way help you in all manner of things, but most especially bless you and keep your chin up and your ass down for at least the next 48-72 hours. Remember what Saint Coach Eric Taylor always says: Clear eyes, full heart, can’t lose.
Mixtapes From Babylon 